Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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