Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
