it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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