How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
