Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
