She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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