apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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