so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
