It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
