I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize