dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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