you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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