Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
