dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
