Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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