someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
