I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
