I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
