I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
