I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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