Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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