WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
