im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
