i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
