Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
