**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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