I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
