from now on my penis is your penis
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
