Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The beer is more important than you right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
