Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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