I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
