Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
