so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This baby is an asshole
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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