Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
