How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
