they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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