someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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