This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
