I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
