she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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