I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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