Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
