I look better un-naked...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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