You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
