checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
