I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Two words: blizzard sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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