His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
