if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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