I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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