It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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