Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize