I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
