I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
