Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
