there's paper in my vomit.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
