Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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