hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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