just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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