Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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