just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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