$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
