i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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