I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
