the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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