He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
