not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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