How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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