I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we're making bets on your personal life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
